Written by NWNewsmash
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Friday, 7 January 2011

image for Veteran Sportscaster Loses Employment and Home to Unemployed Homeless Man
George Bush to Open Devil Rays Season

The career of Dick Larsden, voice of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, suffered an unexpected "rainout" Thursday afternoon when he arrived at the WTBD studios to record promos for the upcoming season.

"I should have suspected something when I pulled into the parking lot. There in my dedicated parking space was a shopping cart full of blankets and crumpled aluminum cans."

Larsden was unexpectedly suddenly replaced by Ken Milner, an internet sensation since last Tuesday when a home video of Mr. Milner singing at a freeway onramp went viral.

"The homeless man with the silver pipes? He's NOW! Dick Larsden? He's so two-days-ago!" said Mel Ballo, Executive Director of the Tampa Bay Sports Show. "Look - Milner came through in the clutch with 5 seconds of primo sound bite - he doesn't drone on for 15 seconds at a time like Dick does. And besides, there's the sympathy thing. WTBD wants to show that it can be as compassionate as any organization when it comes to helping people in need."

A distraught Larsden, winner of 12 Emmy awards while with WTBD, noted that his dismissal came shortly before his 20th anniversary with the company. "They fired me six days before I would have qualified for full benefits. And they are paying Mr. Milner minimum wage! Where's the compassion in that? I should have never moved to a 'right to work' state! I should have read my contract! I SHOULD HAVE JOINED THE UNION! OH, CRAP!"

In a cruel "double play", Larsden arrived home to find his locks changed. "If Dick can no longer pay his way I'll find someone who can," said Joyce Larsden, Dick's wife of 25 years. " Let that handsome Mr. Milner know that I have a vacancy!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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