Rome - Love or else. That's the message Roman deity Cupid wants everyone to consider this Valentine's Day. The winged God is trading in his trademark bow and arrow for something more affective.
"I can't hit s**t with a bow," Cupid admits. Poor aim isn't the only reason for the switch. "A shotgun sprays. I can get twenty people with one shot whereas I'm lucky to get one with a quiver of arrows."
Cupid believes the rise in divorce rates is due to the bow. He says not enough people are being shot.
"Humans will hump just about anything. What they need is a good old blast of love."
Other changes are in store. Cupid plans to ditch the diaper.
"The twentieth century got uptight about the infant penis. I'm two thousand years old. I've think I've earned the right to go naked in public." At this point in the interview Cupid cocked his shotgun. "Plus, I don't think anyone's going to argue with me."
The greeting card industry is rushing to get the new image out in time for Valentine's Day. Early designs show a nude Cupid pointing a shotgun at a man and woman.