Londonistan, Islamic capital of Englanistan: With no new hits on the horizon and no obsessed new wife with crazy causes to lead him by the nose, aging Beatle Paul McCartney is back to re-hashing old issues. Yesterday he urged India to declare a national Vegetarian Day to celebrate meat-free living and compassion toward animals.
Animal rights activists that love to piggy-back on the fame of fading celebrities - allege McCartney sent a letter to the Indian Prime Minister saying such a day could save animals while helping to protect both the environment and people's health. McCartney apparently called it "a celebration of life."
Doublelentil PeaPaddhi, India's Minister for Plants, Grains, Trees and other Fibrous Edibles denied receiving any such request:
"Who is this Mister Makarkatoony? We are not hearing of him. Is he mad? Does he not know that already the majority of India's Hindus, Jains, Sikhs and Buddhists are already vegetarian? Such a bloody meat-eating fellow, no?"
Meanwhile in restive Kashmir, where stone-pelters have gone through a lull in stone-pelting activity - which also happens to be Kashmir's major occupation group - meddling Porkistawny intelligence officials managed to whip up another concocted infidelious frenzy.
Hordes of drug-induced local martyrs* were pushed to burn effigies of McCartney amid cries of 'Death to Amrika' as leaflets accusing foreign powers of insulting Islam were eagerly distributed by Al-Qaeda paper-boys to illiterate households. There was a 252% increase in militant membership as the new War on Infidels was launched.
US officials revealed wiretap evidence that proved the involvement of Porki Army officials who again appropriated and diverted international flood aid to fund the stone-pelters providing them with convoys of hardened cow patties bearing Urdu labels of "Made in Hindoostan"
At the Khyber Pass, General Colon 'Big' Bowell told reporters: "The use of Holy Cow patties by the Porki-militant-stone pelters nexus is a pathetic attempt to try to point the finger at our new best friends, the Hindoos but we are on to them. We are definitely winning on the Fak-Ap border."
Mr. McCartney we understand is hiding somewhere on the Mull of Kintyre.
*a unique phenomenon in failed Muslim states where unemployed; starving; sexually-repressed young men are promised 72 virgins [actual translation: 72 white raisins] in a non-existent Paradise in exchange for an early and unnecessary death. This promise is made by obese, diabetic, gutless old militant leaders hiding in caves where they undergo kidney-dialysis and rusty Porki military officials unable to fight real wars seeking sexual satisfaction from watching young innocents blowing themselves up.