KARACHI, Pakistan - In a move that has news reporters, war correspondents, and the international media all shaking their heads Osama Bin Laden has made a surprisingly unbelievable announcement.
Speaking from an undisclosed camel hoof repair shop in downtown Karachi, the man who has evaded the entire free world for so many years spoke openly, honestly, and reflectively to a reporter for The Karachi Evening Sandstorm newspaper the very lovely, sexy, and unattached Mirpura Rajaswana, 23.
Bin Laden looking as tall as ever and with a beard that resembles the beards of ZZ Top's Billy Gibbons and Dusty Hill spoke calmly to Miss Rajaswana.
He started their interview by asking her if she was married. She replied that she wasn't and Bin Laden smiled and replied that, that was a very good answer.
He then asked Miss Rajaswana if she thought that he was good looking. She blushed and responded by saying that he doesn't exactly look like George Clooney, but he ain't ugly and fat like Rush Limbaugh either.
Bin Laden laughed and told Rajaswana that after the interview he would like to take her out to a local KFC for some chicken tenders. She smiled and happily agreed.
She then asked him if the reports that he had adopted a baby girl from Africa and a baby boy from Arizona were true. Bin Laden giggled. He said that it was true and it was just something that he had been wanting to do ever since he read in The National Enquirer about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie adopting all of those kids from all over the world.
Rajaswana was surprised to hear that the infamously infamous Osama Bin Laden actually reads the National Enquirer. He laughed and confessed that he used to be a subscriber but that due to his constant moving around for the obvious reasons he had to cancel his subscription.
He did point out that he manages to buy the publication each week at a local convenience store where he buys his camel jerky, which he says is his favorite snack.
Miss Rajaswana asked him about the baby girl from Africa. A great big fatherly smile came over his face as he spoke. "Yes, my little girl, whom I named Velveeta, after the cheese product, was born in the tiny African village of Shizzleville, in Upper Shambutu."
He went on to say that her parents were very poor and they could not afford to keep her since they already had 18 other kids ranging in age from 2 to 19, plus six dogs, three canaries, two hamsters (gay), a parrot, and a kangaroo.
When asked about the baby boy Osama again got a fatherly glow about his face. He tugged at his beard and said that the baby boy was from Tucson, Arizona, and that he had named him Kanye.
"After the hip hop rap star Kanye West?" Rajaswana asked.
"Kanye West...the singer?"
"Never heard of the bloke." Bin Laden replied.
He expressed to Miss Rajaswana that he had named the baby boy after Kanye Tucker, the noted Ukrainian violinist who taught such famous violinists as Itzhak Perlman and Isaac Stern.
In other news. The state of Iowa has announced that they have confiscated five tons of illegal corncobs in Cedar Rapids that were headed for the Wisconsin border.