Written by Morse
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Monday, 27 December 2010

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange continues to come under personal attack after being 'detained' in a 104 room mansion somewhere in England as more details of his alleged promiscuous behaviour begin to emerge from even the most unlikely of Sources!

Tweeting from his Peruvian jail cell, detained alleged girl killer Joran Van der Sloot claimed
Assange was the father of US Homeland Security Chief Janet "Jack" Napitalano's unborn child, a claim Julian vehemently denied.

Van der Sloot, stuck to his guns saying, " I know where ALL the bodies are buried! Give me $500,000 and a shot with Piers Morgan and I'll blow the lid off the whole bloody mess!"

Joran, for awhile the media's darling with live shots on Oprah, Larry King, Geraldo Rivera,
Katie Couric and even on The View, seems to have even worn out his welcome with those
publicity hounds, as no one was rushing to Peru to get him to sign a contract.

Napitalano, in charge of airport and border security, has not been seen since she learned
a week after the fact that law enforcement officers had arrested a gang of terrorists masquerading as Chimney Pot Thieves, were detained in Britain.

The unmarried Napitalano who prefers 'generously cut ' pants suits to thigh snugger
mini skirts, is said to have 'no interest in men', and it can be safely assumed that Joran's claims are patently false despite her recent interest in 'debriefing' Assange after he was arrested in Britain on rape charges originating in Sweden.

For his part, Assange held a press conference on the spacious grounds of Lord Percey
McWarthoggs estate prior to a partridge hunt, to personally debunk the rumours.
Cradling his 12 bore custom engraved $55,000 Purdy Shotgun, a gift from
Bianca Jagger, Julian held up a life sized picture of Napitalano.

Pointing to it, Julian sneered and spat, "Honestly now chums, do you really think someone like me would be interested in someone that looks like this.....?"

According to a bystander, Assange threw a fit, threatened a law suit for invasion of privacy and stomped off after a local tabloid stringer claimed to have pictures proving the claim and text messages between the two where Assange allegedly addressed Janet saying " I can't wait till we're together again and I get to nestle tweenst your loins...with so much to love, I'll never get tired of you!"

Reporters retired to a local pub with a bacon sandwich and a pint to chew over this latest revelation, and how best to deal with it for the afternoon editions.

People in Arkansas said they were not surprised over the news.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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