London - (Yule-Be-Sorry!): A new decryption of 2012 Mayan calendar rants has found a chilling Yuletide prophecy about the Queen.
Behind the gibberish of apocalyptic scares lies a pre-Columbian Mesoamerica grimoire about the end of the Merovingian line.
This reaches its terminus on Christmas Day with the sudden death of HM.
"They jumbled up the dates a bit to hide the dire news," Harvard's visitng professor of New Age psychobabble Dr Einstein Flintstone said today
"Basically the Mayans were nothing more than prediction trolls," Flintstone told Spoof News reporters today, "given to exaggerating cataclysms for personal gratification.
"But they knew come Christmas 2010 that double whammy winter solstice/total lunar eclipse should nail the bitch, ok."
Flintstone's interpretation has come as a complete shock to Prince Charles, who was spotted today gathering in his annual hemlock harvest in Sandringham.
"Why would anyone want to top the Old Gel, eh?" the Pretender to the Throne chuckled impishly.
Prince Philip is semi-comatose until Sunday.