Bangalore Herald, Bangalore, India: The UN have awarded one of the world's most prestigious prizes back to India for the 5th time, a record.
The prize they received was the title of "The World's Hugest Rubbish Tip", which they have proudly held for the last 5 years and were determined to keep!
It was a close run race with China, South Africa and Brazil finishing narrowly behind, but grit, shit (plenty of that) and determination proved once more that India run out worthy winners.
They finished first in all categories:
1) Amount of plastic crap discarded with impunity even in holy locations.
2) Lack of any form of refuse collection services in major cities and rural areas.
3) Disgusting toilets, bathrooms and hygienic facilities everywhere apart from luxury restaurants, hotels, international airports and ministers mansions.
4) Pollution of all major cities, spreading fast into rural areas through increasing, very chaotic traffic volumes.
5) Washing of filthy, oil and grease covered trucks in lakes, rivers and ponds.
6) Indian males pissing and pooing in every place possible apart from public toilets (there aren't any).
7) Creating the hugest, rejected computer crap mountain on the planet.
The proud Primeminister of India accepted the prize of $2 million bucks and promised to buy all of his environmental ministers a brand new Mercedes, build them new mansions away from the shit and spend what's left over on his own personal waste removal service.
Taking these measures will ensure that India will win "hands down" for the next 5 years, sure!