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Sunday, 19 December 2010

image for Katie Holmes 'Devastated' Over Reports Suri Suing for' Divorce', Her own Penthouse, Separate Maintenance and Nanny Support!
A Recent Picture of Suri at Halloween!

On the eve of her 32nd birthday, Katie Holmes is said to be 'shocked and shaken' after she and husband Tom Cruise, 48, were served with separation papers served by their 4 year old daughter's solicitor!

Suri, age 4, is said to be determined to stand on her own, and is demanding a Soho Penthouse, enough money to keep up the lifestyle "she's become accustomed to", a substantial clothing allowance, and a nanny 'strong enough' to continue to carry her everywhere she goes.

The barrister, Livingstone Scrotum, denied reports that Suri is still nursing.

Further complicating the issue is that Child Services from Suffolk, in the UK, are now looking into forcibly removing Suri from her parents should they ever return during one of Suri's frequent shopping trips with her mum.

Said Social Worker Harriet Cratchet, " there are plenty of folks just waiting to adopt her, especially with the expense account and financial settlement she'll get from her
ex parents! A windfall, actually, plus they'll be entitled to the cracking nice $600 a month we give them after the usual snatch & grab!"

A hearing is to be held shortly in the US on Suri's demands, put forth in a 1500 page brief, allegedly taken during a two week period of closed door depositions taken at Nieman Marcus when they were paid to shut down to afford 'comfortable surroundings' for the child, who was granted shopping privileges every 45 minutes to keep her from getting bored.

A representative from Children's Services was on hand to observe the proceedings, and said Suri had occasional bouts of 'uncontrolled abandonment', at one time
"jumping the couch" when her solicitor said he would be seeking in excess of $147 million dollars, plus a percentage of any future revenue from her movie star parents films.

Due to an arrangement, Suri refused to speak directly to lawyers for her parents, but communicated only through her attorney who supplied written answers for the interrogatory.

A spokesman for Nieman Marcus said that the two week period the store was shut down,
"was one of the most financially rewarding of the 4th quarter, even surpassing what we expected to do over the Christmas Holidays!"

The entire section of "Little People Designer Clothes' was bagged and boxed for a later pickup, and the millinery and shoe shoe department was decimated as well. Suri had a penchant for the size 2 Jimmy Choo's with the 6 inch spiked heels, which it was noted, made her 3 " taller than her famous, but height challenged father.

Suri's parents in the past have gushed over her $2m dollar wardrobe, the child is said to wear 4 outfits a day, and Katie, who takes Suri shopping EVERY DAY has often marveled at the 4 year old's taste saying, " she only picks the most expensive things....she's a marvel with wonderful taste!"

The legal action has sent shock waves through Hollywood.

Said one Divorce Lawyer, Abe "Wolfman" Lieberwitz, " it's a tsunami! I just got off the phone with Angelina Jolie who wants a prenup drawn up between her and her kids...she's scared to death they'll turn on her and take her to the cleaners!"

L. Ron Hubbard refused to be interviewed for this article.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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