Superfriends Sarah Palin and John Boehner believe they have figured out the "what", the "who", and the "when" -- but the "where" and the "how" remain sketchy.
Palin: "I have a source of good intelligence who tells me that those three (Santa Claus, Julian Assange, and Barack Obama) are planning a sex attack on the U.S. Parliament on Christmas Eve Day."
When pressed to describe what exactly a 'sex attack' is and where the U.S. Parliament is located, Ms. Palin deferred to her marmaladey sidekick.
"I've never even had sex, on account of my orange tallywhacker," said 61-year-old Boehner. "But when I become Speaker of the House, watch out... because there is going to be a new sheriff in town and his name is John Boehner. Again, for the record, it's pronounced Bay-nur not Bo-ner. No more funny business!"