Hospitalized after testing modifications to his sleigh in flight, Santa Claus sustained numerous facial injuries and may not be released from North Pole Community Hospital by December 24th, doctors say.
The multiple lacerations and deep cuts received to St. Nick's forehead and cheeks were received following a rare diarrhea incident with one of his reindeer during a high speed turn. Though Nick had trouble speaking through the bandages, Chief Elfin Flight Engineer, Dexter Curltoe tells reporters, "Apparently Donner had gotten hold of our North Pole supply of Pistachios, eaten three or four pounds of the stuff and it simply didn't agree with him".
Doctors at the NPCH considered Santa "lucky", given that crushed Pistachio shells are about as sharp and unforgiving as shards of broken glass. "It was also bad luck to have had Donner at the back of the team, right in front of Santa", said Curltoe.
Santa reached for a pen and paper at his bedside and handed the note to Curltoe. "One way or another, I'll be back to deliver toys to all the good little girls and boys", wrote Santa. This followed by another note to Curltoe declaring, "And I better see a windshield added to my sleigh, with extra wiper fluid. Got me?".
Elves back in the workshop were already making light of the unfortunate incident declaring that "They had never actually seen Santa shit-faced before", but that "there was a fart time for everything".