London - (Yule-Be-Sorry!): The mood is grim at Hellfire Club HQ ahead of Tuesday's solar ingress into Capricorn.
Ancient files published this week describe the Illuminatis' rage of 1554 when some dimwit last dared leak their sordid secrets.
The culprit was eventually prosecuted as a sex beast and boiled in oil for his gall.
That year there was a total lunar eclipse accompanying the Winter's Solstice, the first such double in nearly 600 years.
The gravity of that phenomenon drove many of the so-called Enlightened Ones nuts with dread however.
Their mania was eventually attributed to a 'deep-pitched monotone alien pulse' coming from somewhere underneath Stonehenge where their evil HQ lay.
That was the last time in recorded hystery when the Moon was completely darkened by the Earth's shadow at the start of Yule.
Now a repetition of that cosmic trainwreck is completely freaking out the Illumniati's blood-sucking descendants from those heady days of the mid 16th century.
Spawn of Ivan the Terrible - Tsar of Russia, Mary the 1st - Queen of England and her paranoid cousin Mary Queen of Scots have morphed into the fascist dictators of the 21st century, wreaking havoc with their terror.
Seers and stargazers alike have condemned the corruption of these monsters.
This weekend NASA said that next Tuesday's eclipsed full moon overlaps the year's shortest day when Earth will be at its closest to the Sun - something that won't happen again December 21, 2485.
A Sun/Mars/Pluto conjunction in the sign of the Goat next week completes the setting for Armageddon.
Julian Assange is 69.