Norfolk/Suffolk Border - (Boy Oh Boy): Rumors of a Mad Vlad caveat "...because we always outsource to Mossad, heheh!" have done little to dent Julian Assange's mood.
Persistent reports that the whistleblower was thrown out of the KGB 'by Putin himself' continue to plague the WikiLeaks founder.
This morning he was still holed up at East Anglia's Effingham Hall - a grace and favor mansion for fatcat hacks - having dined lavishly last night on venison, foie gras and vintage claret.
A special delivery from his bail backers saw him kitted out with a new stab vest, protective underpants (don't ask!) and what the postman claimed might be 'the ultimate in tin foil headgear'.
Quite why all this armor-plating is necessary remains a mystery.
A rival whistleblowing site - rumored to be The Spoof satirical organ from which Assange often cribbed his best disclosures - was warning today of possible reprisals from the United States:
"Assange is nothing more than the sneaky bastard son of George Bush Senior," celebwatch site LA FagHagSlagMag commented, "so it will take a poison-tipped silver bullet to do any serious damage."