Scientists who have been working for decades to cure the plague of the 20th century -AIDS, secondary to HIV infection- have finally found a way to cure it:
A blood transfusion.
"In retrospect, that probably should have been the first thing we tried," said Stephen D. Hassenfeld of the Jm J. Bullock Center For AIDS Research. "Yup, right here. Number three on the list, right after 'Nyquil?' and 'Try Santeria'."
"It kinda looks like someone crossed it out, and then tried to rewrite it," said Dr. Gene Anthony Ray, also of the Bullock Institute. "But, I mean, how do you cross out a cross out?"
The good news was discovered when a HIV-infected man who also had leukemia was treated in Berlin, Germany with a blood transfusion because, well...
... a stem cell transfusion that cured the guy in Germany. Here's now the next five years plays out: Suddenly, stem-cells are viewed as an actual cure to an actual disease, and President Bush's stem-cell research ban is set aside. Doctors find a way to test for HIV resistance in utero, and women who can produce fetuses with the stem-cells needed become instant multimillionaires, cranking out fertilized embryos faster than Octomom. Susan G. Komen Announces First 'Abort For The Cure' Rally For AIDS-Curing Stem-Cells. Mayhem ensues.
"His blood was sh-t," said Dr. Arzt Schrecklichen. "HIV and Leukemia? He'd be better off with dry-cleaning fluid in his veins."
"His donor had a gene mutation that confers natural resistance to HIV," said Dr. Arzt. "Now, the recipient now shows no signs of either leukemia or HIV infection.
While specialists in HIV medicine and infectious diseases say the procedure is too expensive and risky to be practical as a standard therapy, they believe it could yield important discoveries along the road to finding a cure.
Former talk-show failure Magic Johnson disagrees: "F--k 'too expensive'. Where can I buy one of those mutated gene people?"