AP "Always Perverted" News - North Pole: Santa sentenced to 2 years in federal prison? A series of bad events apparently sends Santa over the edge.
Monday Santa was grounded by the FFA for flight within the US airspace for being unable to pass a commercial pilot's license physical and for a close encounter with a United Airbus A380. On a recent test flight one of the new reindeer accidentally lost his ear muffs and a nearby A380 sucked them into one of the engines causing it to shut down.
On Wednesday Santa was enraged by a TSA agent who performed an enhanced pat down on Mrs. Claus. Santa punched the TSA agent several times after finding the officers phone number on Mrs. Claus blackberry along with subjective texts.
Thursday Santa was caught cruising with Eminem playing too loud and the courts finally had enough and put the not so jolly old elf away. Santa's lawyers were working on an early release deal if Santa would agree to avoid airliners and hip hop music.