It has been announced that no fruitcakes will be allowed on International flights from now on.
Does this mean the end to air travel as a mode of transportation currently enjoyed by Spoof Writers, Richard Simmons,Clay Aiken and the rest of the gay community?
We asked a representative of International Airlines and he confirmed the news.
When asked why, he clarified our original misunderstanding of this new airline rule with the following 'prepared' statement:
"Well, fruitcakes are so dense that we cannot pick up on the xray machines what is actually in the centre of these fruitcakes. For example, it would be really easy to hide a hand grenade inside a fruitcake and carry it with you into the cabin. Also, files and knives are easily hidden, as we have seen in many old black and white movies.
We just cannot risk putting our airline staff and passengers' lives in harm's way.
Anyone travelling with a fruitcake will have it confiscated before they enter the Departure Lounges."
When asked what would be 'done' with the 'hundreds' of confiscated fruitcakes, we were told,
"They will all be donated to Shelters for the Homeless whose volunteers have many mouths to feed at Christmas time."
Our reporter asked,
"What if there IS a bomb or some other explosive device inside a few of these fruitcakes, and they 'go off' at the Shelters."
"That's not OUR fault," replied the representative, "We are only bothered about the lives of our airline personnel and our passengers. Merry Christmas!"
Is this the 'Season of Goodwill to ALL men (and women) ?" or what????