The continuing debate on the birthplace, origin, and religious orientation of Barrack Hussein Obama was inflamed today after the President claimed he didn't know what Spam was, never ate a Spam Sandwich, and only ate Halal prepared meat!
Obama was forced into the uncomfortable position after a NY city imam who is requesting $35m in Stimulus funds to build a Muslim Religious Training center blocks from the destroyed Trade Towers, threatened to reveal pictures of a furtive Barry Obama snacking on a Spam Sandwich during a recent Hawaii vacation, in violation of Muslim tradition.
Spam has been acclaimed the national food in Hawaii, after it was introduced in WWII and wildly adopted by natives who eat more spam per capita than anyone else in the world including Arkansas in a distant second place.
Obama supporters still continue to claim the mysterious President was born and raised in Hawaii despite persistent reports he grew up wild on the plains of Kenya, and continued his Muslim education and indoctrination in Indonesia.
Said a Republican from Hawaii, "Anyone who says they were born and raised here and doesn't know what Spam is, certainly is not telling the truth! Spam is served at all our school lunch programs, is the preferred snack during athletic contests, and is our national dish on Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter Sunday. I don't know what Barry ate during Ramadan, but it was probably Spam prepared the Halal way by slitting the Spam's throat
and holding it down while it bled to death!"
The reference to Halal brought another barrage of denials from the White House after a Spoof Reporter read the definition of Halal preparation of live stock to a shocked Press Secretary Robert Glibb (Sic) after White House liberals damned Sarah Palin for shooting a Caribou, dressing it out, and stocking it in her freezer during a recent episode on what real life is like outside of Washington, DC, San Francisco, and Greenwich, Cn.
"Dhabiha is the prescribed method of ritual slaughter of all animals excluding fish and most sea-life per Islamic law. This method of slaughtering animals consists of a swift, deep transverse incision with a sharp knife across the neck, cutting through the windpipe, the food pipe, the vagus nerve jugular veins and carotid arteries of both sides but leaving the spinal cord intact. Furthermore it opens the circulatory system that is at high pressure to the air causing pressure to equalize and the blood pressure in the brain to fall to zero.]
As the brain requires a constant flow of blood under pressure for the animal to retain consciousness, anemia of the brain causes loss of awareness and perception."
The reporter continued: How does the president rationalize killing an animal with one shot in the wild for food, and this "snuff" method which appears to glorify the slow death of an animal?"
Glibb, appearing wild eyed and on the verge of hysteria as the assembled group of reporters, who had never eaten any meat unless it appeared on their plate in a 5* restaurant gasped in horror as he tried to explain.
"The President has nothing to do with food preparation in the White House. As you know, Michelle grows all her own vegetables and spices and picks them as well. As far as a choice of meat for the table, Michelle's mother Marian Robinson is responsible for that. How the animals are killed, boned, and prepared is of no concern to the President as long as they meet his religious requirements."
Just at that moment there was an unexpected power outage as all electricity shut down, and all live news feeds from the press conference were curtailed due to the hastily enacted
"Julian Assange Purity in Journalism" fatwa mandated by Homeland Security guru
Janet Napitalano, and passed by the lame duck Democratic Congress.
More as We Bloody Well Get It!