Written by masterchev
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Wednesday, 8 December 2010

image for Wiki-Leaked: Assange diaries published on Internet
"Dear Diary, why am I saying these things out loud when I know someone will hear me?"

The phrase "hit em where it hurts" has never been so applicable. Or, as the Global Governments have decided, they're serving a dish best served cold... on Julian Assange.

Tired of having their private lives splashed on the Internet; tired of revelations that the moon landing actually happened in a quarry in Wales, and tired of news that George W. Bush couldn't even spell "Washington", Barack Obama has authorised a move to place Assange's teenage diaries on the Internet.

Operation "Payback Payback" has been launched, in which CIA agents somehow went "back in time" to find Julian Assange's teen diaries. They were then published on key websites such as Twitter and Facebook: much to the humiliation of Assange.

An entry for 3rd June 19** reads:

Dear diary, today I wanted to go for a run down by the beach to get rid of some of these pounds. Unfortunately, I tripped over my own laces and ended up interrupting a Mayor Conference and spilled beer on everyone's lap. Being twelve sucks.

Whilst the 6th April the following year reads:

Diary, another rejection by Stephanie Hollinger. Why does she always turn me down? All I did was stand outside her window for seventeen hours singing Beatles songs. Whilst she was making out with that Fletcher kid.

The final entry of Assange's diary reads:

Diary, I went the "Welsh Way" and met a lovely girl. Her name's Bessie, and...

Assange and his fellow "4Chan" hackers are set to hack Assange's diary and will replace it all with the feats of former British Prime Minister Stanley Baldwin, and the thoughts of Oscar Wilde.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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