This morning Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Saudi King Abdullah held a joint news conference at the luxurious King David Hotel in Jerusalem.
Saudi King Abdullah: "Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Thank you all for coming. It is with great pleasure that I announce today that the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia has purchased the land of Israel. Ask any real estate agent and they will tell you, 'location, location, location.' The land of Israel is situated on prime real estate with extensive frontage on the east side of the Mediterranean Sea. This means that in the event that war causes the closing of the narrow straits to the Arabian Sea we can still get our oil out through our new Haifa and Tel Aviv oil pipelines."
Saudi King Abdullah: "What's more important however is that this transaction is the only way to prevent the extinction of life on Earth forever in nuclear world war III and its aftermath nuclear winter and ultraviolet summer. As you know from the WikiLeaks documents I have been constantly badgering President Obama to nuke Iran and destroy their nuclear weapons program. President Obama refused to do this. Therefore other means had to be considered, and we bought Israel."
Israel's Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu: "Please let me thank Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian without whose help this deal would never have been possible. I would also like to thank Doyle Brunson. There is a time to hold em' and a time to fold em'."
Israel's Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu: "Israel is a tiny country of 9 thousand square miles, over half of which is the Negev Desert. This means that the liveable area is 4 thousand square miles, the same combined area as Miami Dade and Broward Counties in south Florida."
Israel's Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu: "Human beings faced with danger have a fight or flight response. The tiny land of Israel is surounded by 1.5 billion Muslims with Korans and nuclear weapons in Pakistan and soon Iran which command them to "Make War on the Jews, Christians and Infidels for eternal paradise in Heaven, crystal clear streams, 72 virgins, 80,000 servants each and wine with no side effects." (Koran Sura 9:5, 29-30, 111; Sura 56; Hadith)."
Israel's Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu: "6 million is a number with which the Jewish people are well familiar. The number of Jewish people living in Israel today is exactly 6 million. The daily mentor of Iran's President is Nostradamus' third antichrist Ayatollah Mesbah (Mabus) Yazdi. Iran controls Hezbollah in Lebanon to our north and Hamas in Gaza to our west. Iran has formed an alliance with Syria. Russia built Iran's new nuclear reactor. Iran wants nuclear fuel for peaceful purposes like Teneal Goyco is Tiger Woods. We are not willing to bet our lives on it."
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu: "Last week we were unable to put out a forest fire let alone a radioactive inferno engulfing our entire country. We are 6 million Jewish sitting ducks. This is why we are going to take the money from the land transaction and buy homes for all 6 million of our Jewish citizens in Miami-Dade and Broward Counties, Florida. God knows the Florida housing market could use a stimulant. The 2 state solution has been replaced by the 2 county solution. We're moving to Disneyworld."