Vatican--Pope Benedict XVI announced he is breaking up with his imaginary boyfriend David Hasselhoff because of David's constant desire for alcohol.
"While I will always love the nights David and I spent in mind. I just think it is best that we end the relationship before our imaginary relationship causes me to do something the will change the Catholic Church forever." Pope Benedict XVI said.
The pope who first became infatuated with Hasselhoff after seeing him perform live at Berlin concert in 1988, and soon began to masturbate every night to the idea of him and Hasselhoff doing things God warned against.
"It is with a sad heart that I share the fact that my relationship with Mr. Hasselhoff can not continue because the fact my thinking is only about Mr. Hasselhoff and I feel my increased masturbation habit is now four to seven times a day is leading me to think in ways that make look like a hypocrite." Pope Benedict XVI said.
David Hasselhoff who was in rehab and couldn't make any public comments, but his friends did report that the Hoff is sad to hear that Pope Benedict XVI will no longer be spending large amount of time masturbating to images of him running down the sands of a Baywatch set.