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Topics: America, Wikileaks

Saturday, 4 December 2010

image for World Governments to Hit Back at American Insults on New Web Site
Americans say big box stores are an important contribution to civilsation

Annoyed, embarrassed and generally resentful of the back biting and petty contents of American diplomatic cables, everybody except America is now posting on a new website, YankeeLeaks.

Via the site, America's getting far worse than it gives, on account of it generally behaving like boorish new money for the past 234 years. Additionally, diplomats in other countries typically know more words than their American counterparts, and how to better use them in credible mockery.

One diplomat in charge of his country's response acknowledged it would be easier to get the message out than ensure it sunk in. "This is, after all, a country with a world map that lists US and them. But apparently the State Department showed a glimmer of understanding when told 'the cheese stands alone.' It is well established that when it comes to Americans comprehension relies heavily on the use of monosyllabic repetitious rhyme."

Critical disclosures reaching as far back as the days of pen and ink paint of a portrait of a nation seen as "enthusiastically ignorant", "blessed only with guns and money", "generally unable spell" "and with accents that could shatter the chandeliers."

Sniffed a German cable: "Look how many members of the English Royal Family adore America. This tells us a great deal."

And from Greece: "We built civlisation. They built Las Vegas."

Additionally, in the 1950s, Canada considered selling its land to China after concluding "we can live next door to these people, but we'd really rather not." And thirty-nine nations reported a frequent need to "supply the President and First Lady yet again with a crash course on navigating cutlery settings in advance of the state banquet."

France's response to an American inquiry with regard to Kentucky Fried Chicken franchises in Paris runs 8,095,673 pages, excluding footnotes.

Said one America leader on a break from buying large screen televisions online: "Yah, yah, yah. Pass the ketchup, would ya?"

NATO is said to planning a relief drop over Washington of large print thesauruses, to aid American leaders in understanding what they're reading.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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