Hundreds of fans turned out to see singer and fitness fanatic Madonna open her first gym in Mexico City.
Madonna, 52, who is hoping to open a chain of gyms, said she chose to Mexico City for the first one because she likes the poverty and neediness of the people.
The Spoof can exclusively reveal that membership is open only to under 3's who have little or no chance of ever making it in the world, and who can demonstrate their worthiness for adoption.
She told us, "I'm calling it the Pokemon Gym, not because I like the programme, but because I want to catch 'em all. I've made a significant donation to Mexico City or, as I prefer to put it, a large downpayment on my next bunch of kids."
Madonna says that she is keen on the athletic kind of thing as well. "You may have noticed that Mexico has no Olympic team," she explained. "Mostly it's because everyone who can run, jump, and swim has already crossed the border! We aim to change that."