Written by Neil Levine
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Topics: Miracle, John Bolton

Tuesday, 2 August 2005

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Bolton Back From Dead

UN HQ---John Bolton, assigned to political refugee status in an unofficial gulag for political refuseniks, after a partisan firestorm of insincere one-sided criticism, has slipped in a side door at the UN. "Working for the Bush team, beats sleeping on the floor or in a pup tent," he says. "I am not afraid of criticism. It's critics that annoy me."


"I hold no delusions about this illustrious job. It is a tough touchy feely on the go rapidly evolving situation wherever, whenever, whatever so if I ever need to get going I am going to get going and keep going and going and going. Until if and when I stop. Remember working at the UN is like living in a den of thieves so there is no guarantee I will come out of there smelling like ebony and ivory."


"How can I face the evils in the world while at the same time maintaining a dignified gentlemanly demeanor that says so much about my position in the world. Where is the influence in ignoring the stinks and arrows of outrage? But despite all that, this is a good job that I intend to keep working on."


"I like the UN. This building is such an amazing labyrinth of mazes that link front doors to trap doors leading to back doors that hide secret offices, covert agendas, unlisted departments, front men, side men, backers, hackers, even poseurs. Will an official road map lead me to the promised land? Is there any rest for the weary? How can I get a good night's sleep with all the turmoil in the world?"


"Let me find my office! I already know I am going to have to rearrange a lot of furniture to make the space available fit the needs of the day. Rest assured, I shall overcome."


"Since I know all the moves and all the player's plays I do not expect any surprises, although tough customers always surprise me. This may not be a lifetime appointment but I can certainly point to a lifetime of disappointment and I can always try to make an appointment with destiny."


After opening the door to his office, the following conversation is overheard, John Bolton: "Ah, a Secretary, General! Here comes Kofi!"


Secretary, General: "Here's the cream, but how do you like Kofi? What about Suge?"


Bolton: "Later, at Knight. I don't know Wu. I thought he was in the music biz. We'll see Wen. Glad to meet ya. Let's throw some Rice."


A guard shouts, "Hey, Abbott. Yo, stop short. Stop! We need to say a prayer for ... . Candi! Ain't she sweet! . See her walking round the street."


Bolton: "I thought she was on vacation!"


Secretary, General: "No. Just on recess. I think she's seeing the world with a new lite... ."


Bolton, "I need to find my way around. So who's on the first floor? What's on the second? I don't know Hu. Don't tell me. Third floor! Tell me, tell me."


Secretary, General: "Yessir"


Bolton: "Isn't Yassir gone?"


General: "Obviously, but not forgotten!!"


Bolton: "Be careful what you're talking about. This could easily become a comedy routine!"


Secretary: "Avoid being banished to the bullpen. It's just been mowed down. It's dangerous right now"


Bolton, "Hey, maybe we can put my picture on a bubble gum card! Wouldn't that be sweet?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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