Boffins worldwide have been stunned by findings that suggest flying saucers can be explained by distressed male organs.
Professor Cletus X Scrotum, of the Institute of Weird Science at Harvard, has been studying the phenomenon of UFOs for years and recently made a startling discovery.
"A colleague was looking at some photos of UFO's from Australia and over Central Park in New York and he said they reminded him if ball lightning.
"This got me thinking, as it appeared that none of these sightings occurred during conditions one would normally associate with ball lightning.
"So I started observing some of the studs in college around here. It soon became apparent that when some jock wasn't getting any for a while he became agitated.
"Occasionally we were lucky to observe one discharge static into the atmosphere. The effect could be quite stunning - especially at night. Ball lightning, after all, is quite apt.
"It seems there's several ways this static can build up... lack of action, too much action and frequent masturbation. It's quite harmless - but can add quite the frisson to romantic encounters!"