Written by Morse
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Wednesday, 1 December 2010

image for Iran Hangs Soccer WAG; Event Sends Tremors Through London Night Clubs!
Coming Soon to UK: WAGS given just enough rope to hang themselves?

The announcement today from Iran that they had publicly hung a soccer wag, the mistress of a former soccer star, has sent a tremor of terror and trepidation though the sports world, especially in the UK where the practice of being a 'temp' has become a way of life for upwardly mobile young girls with limited education but outstanding physical attributes.

Iranian men can have up to four (4) wives, and any number of "temporary wives" in legally binding contracts extending from an hour, to several days, to a few years, a practice which seems to be gaining popularity on the UK pitch.

The woman in Iran had been subject to two trials, and in jail for the past 8 years, allegedly after murdering the wife of her 'lessor'. Described in formal court documents as the 'lessee", the woman stabbed the woman to death in an effort to have her lover to herself, along with his 3 other legal wives and 6 other 'tenants in common.'

It marks the first time in Iranian history that someone has been put to death over a real estate dispute, but outsiders say there is much more to the story.

The deceased denied the crime in question, and claimed the death sentence was for revealing the affair to the public when she allowed herself to be interviewed by a UK tabloid and provided graphic sextexts, pictures of intimate moments with the soccer player, and demanded $1m, gold jewelry, an Aston Martin, a Realty Shown and a Chateau 'somewhere in the English countryside" for her story.

According to insiders in the sports world, soccer stars Wayne Rooney, John Terry, and Ashley Cole, amongst others, have been looking into the Muslim religion in order to find a loop hole in their current marriage contracts to afford them more 'personal freedoms and a way to legally F*****Around!"

Recent legal moves to incorporate themselves has spared them several thousands of dollars in taxes, and their barristers are now working for ways to circumvent what they call "onerous" restrictions incurred in "outdated Christian marriage contracts dating back to the Norman Conquest."

"It's a simple matter of Free Agency," said barrister Percey Montbatten, "it's not right that our boys be held in servitude...they belong to their public and should be able to enjoy their popularity without restraint."

Anglophiles from away say it is only a matter of time until Sharia Law will be imposed to handle marital disputes amongst the highly paid soccer heroes in the UK, and at that time WAGS will become an endangered species!

"I don't know if we'll actually go as far as hangin' em," said Sean Muhammad, "but certainly we'll take away all their bling and such...it just won't do to have these independent contractors runnin' off to the rags and sellin' their stories. Soccer players have rights too, you know! It jist ain't right!"

Katie Price is said to be very, very, nervous and a bit irritable over the news.

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