The notorious tattle tale WikiLeaks is to convert to a pay-per-view site in order to capitalize on a raft of new shocking disclosures just in time for Christmas.
"We really think this represents a major advance in our business plan," said founder Julian Asshonge. "WikiLeaks is now the player in publishing and, unlike The Times, we've got content people will pay for."
The site will also adapt its content to include a wider range of user amusing features, incorporating new functionality such as WikiLeakers, a Facebook-style application that will allow users to collect friends and then post all their secrets.
A new search function, Droolgle, will simplify the search for pornography, infiltrate your hard drive, and later reveal your name and sexual preferences the night before your wedding or a really important job interview by leveraging yet another flaw in Outlook.
Asshonge's comments came in a telephone interview from his twenty-second and twenty-third safehouses. "I'm afraid that each time there's a new release, I have to move for my own safety. Sorry! What did you say? Damned disposable mobiles!"
Asshonge thinks the new offer, developed by a team of very popular but viciously unkind schoolgirls, will democratise the destruction of private relationships and world peace. "It's going to be just like one of those talent shows on the television, except with graver consequences."
He rejected claims the move is an abandonment of vital principles. "Well, you didn't really think we were doing this in aid of a free society, did you? By the way here's another scoop: I'm changing my name. But, no, I won't tell you to what."