From Al-Jazeera -- According to a posting on the Al-Jazeera website, terrorists throughout the Middle East were "highly amused" by the Bush administration's recent decision to re-brand the "War on Terrorism" as a "Global Struggle against the Enemies of Freedom." In mock tribute, they have decided to re-brand the recent London suicide bombings as "Explosive Diplomacy."
According to the unsigned declaration posted on the website, "When you Americans point guns at our people and shoot them, and rain death from the skies, you can call it whatever you want. To us, to our people, it's war." The mere fact that we don't have airplanes to deliver our bombs doesn't make us terrorists any more than the pilots and crews of your B-52 aircraft."
According to PR firm Hill and Knowlton, which was engaged by the terrorists, a number of "brandings" for the terrorists' style of communication were test marketed including "Hi-Velocity PR, Martyr Media, Semtex Semaphore, and the winning entry, "Explosive Diplomacy." According to H&K spokesperson Kathleen Hall, "ED" may connote "Erectile Dysfunction" in the West, but Al-Qaida, Hamas, the Taliban and others believe that after a few more subway "messages" are sent, "Explosive Diplomacy" will quickly dispel any negative "ED" connotation. "After all, you gotta have steel balls to do what these guys do. Or nails, or broken glass, or anything else that makes good shrapnel."
Acknowledging that Israeli versus Palestinian, Sunni vs. Shiite, and U.S. versus everyone else conflicts are battled largely in the media, terrorists interviewed by this Spoof reporter felt that an effective PR campaign to accompany occasional subway bombings and airline hijackings would raise overall awareness.
"The U.S., it suffers maybe two thousand casualties. Iraq, we have lost more than eighty thousand people, most of them civilians. And you call yourselves "liberators?" Today our country is in chaos. We have no water, we have no electricity, we have no jobs. And now we are going to make life hell for Americans and Britons until they get the message. If it takes ten thousand pounds of "Explosive Diplomacy" to get that message across, so be it."
White House Spokesperson Scott McClellan had no comment on the terrorists latest branding efforts. "All we can say is that Hill & Knowlton did a fantastic job for our friends the Saudi's after 9-11. Most Americans never put four and eleven together to realize that 15 of the 19 hijackers came from our oil partner-in-crime, Saudi Arabia. So we're sure theyÕll do a good job for the, ahh, other groups as well."