Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Discovery, Atlantic

Thursday, 28 July 2005

image for Historians discover - Foam, not an Iceberg sank the Titanic

Foam, according to Discovery Channel historians, sent the SS Titanic plummeting to the bottom of the Icy Atlantic. Jan Draker, noted shipwreck historian told reporters, "Yes the ship hit a 250 ton iceberg but the Titanic sank the ICEBERG. Not vice versa. A piece of stray sea foam later hit the ship sending it to it's tragic demise."

Tom Kenny, voice of Sponge Bob Squarepants told reporters that simple foam could indeed bring down an ocean liner. He added,

"Did you see the episode where Spongebob crashed into that underwater volcano?"

NASA officials, not at all amused by Nickelodeon, struggling to remain a paid agency of the United States government conceded that

"Yes, we lost some foam again but we're 5% sure that Discovery can make a safe re-entry into ..
.. into .. "

113 year old Jennifer Olsen, oldest surviving passenger aboard the SS Titanic spoke to Larry King Live ..

KING ----> When did you first know that the ship was in trouble?

OLSEN -> When I couldn't breathe?

"Sea Foam". Oceanographers for years have been pursuing the elusive deadly underwater substance for decades. Unclassified WW2 records reveal that even Adolph Hitler realized the raw destructive power of pure foam.

"I have no idea how foam destroyed a space shuttle" one Sealy executive told reporters. He went on to add,

"Foam? How about marshmallows. Can they bring down a shuttle too?"

Apparently "yes" according to disgruntled NASA engineers. Shawn Amerson of NASA explained ..

"Fire a marshmallow 18000 mph at a shuttle wing, see how far the shuttle makes it across Texas.

James Cameron, the latest director of "Titanic" agrees with Discovery channel historians ..

"Before I sent ice blue Di Caprico plummeting to the bottom of the frigid waters of the Atlantic I researched the real Titanic extensively. I don't think an iceberg sank the ship. Or foam. Titanic just sank. Can't people accept the fact that the world's sturdiest ship just sank for no earthly reason at all?"

Foam. Softest, cushiest most Sponge-bob-iest most Sealy-iest substance on earth. Godspeed to the ghosts of Titanic and ..

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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