Washington, DC-- The new airport body scanners are doing a lot more than people expected. Homeland's Janet Napolitano doesn't want anyone to fear the new technology. She had exciting news that the body scanners have amazing health benefits, and she outlined some of them for the press.
"The radiation in the body scanners has been proven to melt away any unwanted fat. It's a dieter's dream come true!" said Ms. Napolitano in a proud voice. "Just walk through one of our scanners, and lose 20 pounds!" she exclaimed.
"Those magic rays in the body scanners also promote hair growth. Folks, I think we just discovered the cure for baldness!" she boasted. "Believe me. No one from the government would ever lie to you!"
Ms. Napolitano hopes everyone gets a chance to walk through a body scanner very soon, no matter where they live. She also wanted everyone to know that the government works for them, and that she is just a humble public servant.
"The body scanners will also give you a nice tan too." she grinned. "They will make you look younger. They will make you look sexier! Really! Would I lie to you??"