Bloodyvostock - (StollyBolly Mess): "We've shagged the same slags, Leo and I," the Russian Prime Monster joked today.
"And shared some intimate diseases with Anna Chapman!"
Putin was showing off a new Tiger tatoo that he'd just had done on his butt.
Apparently it's an exact mirror image of one that DiCaprio has on his balls - minus the golfing irons of course.
"Tattoos, tigers and trollops, they makes the men we are today," Vlad chuckled impishly.
"Constantly we are chased for awesome sex," PooTin continued modestly, "mostly it's famous rhythmic gymnastic floozies propositioning us astride a pommel whorse.
"It's a hellish life but knobless oblige."
DiCaprio's flying visit to St Petersburg coincides with a wildlife fundraiser organised by the Kremlin.
He's scheduled to ride white flowing-maned stallions with Vlad 'The Impala' in a PR exercise to raise awareness.
Later the two men will strip down to their underpants and go phishing in the Volga River for some juicy aquatic tidbits.
A campfire singalong in the evening will see the pair perform their rendition of the Beatles hit 'back in the USSR' before hunkering down under the tarpaulin with a welcome mug of hot Whorelicks.
President Dim-Eatery Medvedev's handyman is 69.