PYONGYANG, North Korea - A rare public statement has been given by Kim Jong-un, heir apparent to the dictatorship of North Korea.
"As son of the Great Leader, I consider it my duty to learn whatever I can to aid my nation's health and physical discipline. That is why I have intensely studied DVD informations such as Cardio Salsa, Bollyrobics, Fat Burning Dance Party, Yoga Booty Ballet, Stripper-cise with Carmen Electra, Warrior Goddess Workout with Dolphina, and Bellydance Core Conditioning with identical twins Veena and Neena.
"However, as I watch 'Practical Power of Yoga', I find the shameless intimacy between an American and a South Korean to be provocative and intolerable. And you accuse us of offensive actions!"
The DVD to which Kim refers consists of yoga instruction by American-born trainers Rodney Yee and Colleen Saidman.
"Look at how the tall thin blonde contorts herself. Look at how the male is pointing at places on her body. He's practically touching her kimchi! And he calls that wanton sexual display 'Crying Baby Pose'? Now which nation is broadcasting disinformation?"
An American official has stated, "There is no rational strategy behind North Korea's recent attack on a South Korean island. Being overly titillated by an exercise video is as good a reason as we've heard."
Kim Jong-un concluded, "Soon I will be the Great Leader and Stalwart Opponent of Western Decadence. Then the blonde female with loosened joints will know my name. Yes, she shall become my queen."