Written by Morse
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Topics: Sex, Drugs, charlie sheen

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

image for Charlie Sheen Threatens Suit over Pix of his 2 1/2" Winkie!
Charlie's $165K Watch Still Missing; Date Says "I Won't be Arsed!"

Embattled star of TV's popular sitcom, "Two & a Half Men", Charlie Sheen, says he's been forced to sue after his hired date threatened to reveal pictures of his Teeny Weenie taken over dessert in his hotel suite.

An attorney for Sheen says the hired 'dinner companion' , Christina Walsh, aka Capri Anderson, her stage name on the Hollywood Porn Circuit, first asked for $1m, later reduced her demands to $500K after she was told that standard penis pix of celebrities are paid by 'the column inch' and not unconfirmed publicity claims.

Sheen, who in the past has had a mild infatuation and relationship with a host of prostitutes and assorted designer as well as street drugs, was still in a Beverly Retreat being treated for sex addition and chemical dependency according to his publicist.

The spokesman refused to confirm rumours on the street that Charlie was also undergoing penis enhancement therapy before the extortion case came to trial where he might be asked to lay his case on the table before the judge and a very select jury.

Charlie's 3 former wives so far have been mum on the subject, saying only about their divorce, "Well....it wasn't exactly a picnic being married to Charlie, life's short enough, I didn't need to have to deal with his short comings, too!"

Sheen was engaged to Kelly Preston in 1990, but that engagement was called off when Charlie "accidentally' shot her in the ass while she was on the toilet.

Second wife Denise Richards called it a day after three years citing assault, addiction to pornography and premature ejaculation issues.

Current, but soon to be 3rd wife, Brooke Muellar said Charlie threatened to cut her throat in a drug infused rage when he took a combination cocktail of Viagra and a Penis Enhancement Pill mixed with Green Creme dementhe which engorged his frontal lobe , but left his other equipment in a state of lethargy.

Charlie still maintains that "Capri" stole his $165k Patek Phillipe watch and is suing for the return of that as well saying "without it, I can't keep track of myself from minute to minute."

Ms Anderson, in her defense, says she never took Charlie's watch, was afraid for her life and locked herself in the bathroom before calling the cops.

She refused to submit to a body cavity search despite ticking sounds emanating from somewhere on her body and a later check of her computer revealed Google searches for "How to change the ring tones on a Patek Watch!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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