A Vatican contact has given us the secret list Pope Benedict has drawn up stipulating which men may use condoms.
2. Priests in long-standing same sex relationships.
3. Priests in long-standing opposite sex relationships.
4. Priests on a one night stand with either same sex or opposite sex partners.
5. Priests abusing choir boys.
6. Choir boys abusing choir boys.
The list has been sent to monasteries across the globe.
According to the Vatican contact, the pope's list has been well received: pharmacies in the proximity of monasteries are reporting that they've run out of condoms.