Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Fashion, Thailand

Sunday, 21 November 2010

image for Man Decides To 'Retire' White Shirt With Sagging Collar
Kenwood dresses for work next day

An man successfully fooling authorities in Bangkok that he is a real English teacher, has made a decision to 'retire' one of his white shirts, in the same way that famous American sports teams sometimes retire the jerseys worn by some of their more illustrious stars.

Moys Kenwood, 47, originally from Hull in East Yorkshire, took the heartbreaking decision after he noticed that the short-sleeved white shirt's collar was, according to him:

"Grotesque, and as fulsomely flabby as a fishwife's fanny."

Kenwood had worn the shirt last Thursday, but it was not until he exhaustedly fell into the lift at his condo, that he peered through narrowed eyeslits into the lift's mirror, and noticed the shambolic state of affairs at his neckline.

"I looked like a right cake," said Kenwood.

The collar had given way after more than 20 years of loyal service, and had given its owner the dishevelled look of someone who appeared to have been "pulled through a hedge backwards".

The teacher also described how, despite massive advances in washing machine liquid technology, unsightly yellow stains in the underarm area had developed a resistance to detergent rivalled only by that of mosquitoes to DDT. Said Kenwood:

"It was time for the shirt to be retired. It's been a great servant, but every shirt has a shelf-life, and this shirt has reached its own. However, I will remember it fondly, and will use it faithfully as a duster or, in an absolute emergency, to remove any blockages from my shithouse".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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