Written by queen mudder
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Cannabis, ducks

Saturday, 20 November 2010

image for Ganja gavage for great smoked duck treat is French farmer's excuse
Gavage - the practise of force feeding - is part of traditional local duck rearing methods

France - (Sitting Duck Mess): A French farmer who force fed marijuana to his flock of 500 Muscovies told magistrates this week the practice is part of an ancient smoked duck tradition.

Police had caught La Gripperie-Saint-Symphorien farmer Michel Rouyer with hundreds of ganja plants baled up like straw in a winter fodder barn.

Local gendarmerie described how they found the flock in various stages of stupefication including many in advanced marijuana psychosis.

"Some were so stoned they were singing La Marseillaise, Your Honor," Inspector C Louseau informed the horrified court.

The French national anthem's first verse includes the lines 'Ils viennent jusque dans vos bras, Égorger vos fils et vos compagnes!'.

This translates roughly as 'They are coming right into your barns - To slit the throats of your sons and consorts!'.

In duck terms this showed the birds' immense pre-Christmas angst at the impeding yuletide cull, a court-appointed poultry psychologist explained.

In his defence Rouyer said he'd merely been preparing the flock as part of a huge export order to China for a traditional hand-rolled Zhangcha duck recipe.

Zhangcha - pronounced 'ganja' - duck is described as the quintessential dish of Szechuan cuisine.

Its preparation involves hot smoking of pre-marinated ducks over tea leaves, camphor plant twigs or 'cannabis sativa bundles' by preference.

There is no formal requirement to first kill the birds and up to 100 can be smoked at a time in a confined space - such as a bedroom or traditional domestic smoking lounge.

Part of the La Gripperie-Saint-Symphorien harvest festival tradition sees locals gather under a full moon to smoke the season's first marijuana crop in the company of their avian flocks.

The high THC content of indigenous Atlantic Coast dope acts as an excellent muscle relaxant making the ducks extremely laid back as a result.

This does away with any subsequent need for meat tenderisers or use of the much-reviled monosodium glutamate food additive.

Rouyer was fined 500 euros (£428) after admitting some of his winter fodder barn produce might be for personal gratification purposes.

His flock has been sent to a local rehab to detoxify before the impeding December cull.

Make queen mudder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 plus 4?

1 14 19 7
91 readers are online right now!

Go to top