Written by Spicewood
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Saturday, 20 November 2010

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Airport security unit

United Security Systems in Fallon, Nevada, announced today that they are developing a new security system for airports that will make all present systems obsolete.

Harry R. Kelton, Director of Development at the Fallon R&D Section stated that present systems are receiving a great deal of negative feedback and criticism, and the invasion of privacy complaints are becoming quite a problem.

"We have attempted to take all of the situations that can be encountered in detecting explosives at all locations, and airports seem to be the most critical. It is a situation where a small amount of explosives when set off can do the most damage," Kelton explained.

The USS solution is one that will eliminate any personal body searching or contact or x-ray of any kind.

They have designed, and have a prototype ready, a phone booth sized unit, that is completely explosion proof. It is lined with 8 inches of Teflar, 3 inches of Fiberglas and 2 inches of stainless steel, and layers of a classified material that was procured from NASA.

Radiotronics, of San Diego has supplied the electronics that are encased in the unit.

The passenger, or searchee, enters the booth, closes the door and it is automatically sealed shut, if no explosives are detected, the door automatically opens and the searchee is free to leave.

If any explosives are found on the person of the searchee, the explosives will automatically be detonated within the confines of the unit. It is soundproof and will create little disturbance or attention.

An automatic cleaning unit is being developed by the Henderson Car Wash Company and will be available soon.

This unit also eliminates the need for body searches, x-rays, interrogation, imprisonment, court trials, legal fees, burial, and is basically maintenance free.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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