With the US Federal Reserve running 24/7 printing money amidst dire warnings that the special ink and paper were about to 'run out', Secretary of State Hilary Clinton announced the crisis was solved due to a unprecedented "favourable trade" deal with North Korea.
The communist state ruled with an iron first by 4'2" strongman Kim Jong-il has long been noted for it's 'perfect' reproduction of the $100 reserve note. Counterfeits so good they have been passed with abandon in Las Vegas Casinos for years, and flourish all along North Korea's borders, and especially in the Mid East.
In what the Obama Administration says is a 'win-win' situation, the US is lowering trade barriers with the dictatorial, belligerent country in order to start a free flowing import of container ships bursting with brand new, 'authentic' $100 reserve notes in a program called 'financial easing."
In an off the record conversation on background, Secretary of the Treasury Tim Geithner said, " those Chinks can make better bills for less money than we can. So why not outsource our currency production? They've been flooding the market for years, so why not take advantage of it, eh?"
A Top Secret report from the cost accounting arm of the Treasury says that the move will 'save the country trillions!"
The report states that in the trade agreement the US agrees to purchase the $100 notes for $.30 on the dollar, the current going rate in Syria & Libya, and in exchange the Government is offering shares in kind of the new Government Motors IPO which hit the market at $33, rose briefly to $36 before falling to $34 after one day of exposure. Real value of the stock has been estimated at $.29998 per share, so the trade agreement will be worked out on par...one share equals one US dollar...so simple Joe Biden is now taking credit for it!
Making the deal work for the North Korean's is the full backing of the American Government under the current regime which has guaranteed the stock value saying that should it fall below $29 on the DOW, the government will redeem all shares at the original IPO price of $33.... in gold!
According to a rare inside look within the administration in Pyongyang, Kim Jong-il didn't need to call on his economic advisors to jump on the deal. A $33 dollar return on a $.30 cent investment is even better than what George Soros was offering to short the dollar, the pound, and the Euro!
Smart traders on Wall Street have given GM stock a life span of no more than 18 months, while betting shares will be down to junk status by November 2012 in time for the next presidential election.
President Obama has utilized his executive powers to approve the deal, with the first shares of stock being sent over in Air Force I, which in turn will fly back with the first load of greenbacks destined to fund part of the $5.7b a month it's costing to keep the Taliban in food and weapons in Afghanistan, Hamid Karzai in Fur Hats, and provide cash flow to his chain of restaurants run by his 5 brothers and one sister in the US.
There is scheduled to be an official treaty signing in the North Korean capital early next month with Joe Biden doing the honors for the US, along with a contingent of Obama supporters including humanitarians Sean Penn, Barbra Streisand, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and producer Oliver Stone who has said he will be profiling Kim in a new documentary classic tentatively called "How I scammed Whitey" with a forward by Reverend Al Sharpton.
According to the White House Blog, Michelle has mandated that Kimchee now be served in her approved salad bar menus soon to be instituted in all public schools now serving 3 meals a day, plus midnight munchies for the late night boys in the hood.
Editor's Note: Kimchee is a traditional Korean dish made by shredding cabbage leaves, adding super hot chiles, putting it in an earthen jar, pissing in it, and letting it ferment till the lid blows off. It is eaten with chop sticks and expelled later, with mucho gusto ,and is considered a near death experience as well as a sure fire cure for a hangover.