Written by Monochrome
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Thursday, 8 December 2005

image for Prince Charles Beheaded
Wearing a Harris Tweed Jacket

In a statement today, Buckingham Palace officials announced that the execution of Prince Charles had taken place at dawn.

"It was an option we always had open to us." Said a spokesman, "The Queen isn't getting younger and nobody really wanted King Big Ears and Queen Cammy, did they? So we've listened to the people; well the very few people who still have any interest in the monarchy and they told us in no uncertain terms that they wanted the succession to skip a generation and go to Prince William.

"The thing is, we can't just miss someone out; the succession passes to the eldest child, unless of course the eldest child dies, or indeed is executed, before they can succeed.
"We held talks with all those involved; Her Majesty, Prince Charles and Prince William and after long and detailed discussions, we took a vote. I can reveal that it was a majority decision.

"There is tradition of beheading kings called Charles so we were just bringing forward the inevitable. We thought there may be a problem finding an executioner but we put an ad in the Windsor Job Centre on Thursday morning and had 300 applicants by Friday teatime who were all prepared to take the job for the traditional payment of 23 chickens and a firkin of ale.

"We did think about making it a public holiday and televising the whole event with a pig roast and couple of bands but we thought that it would probably rain and no-one would turn up. However, we will be displaying His Royal Highness's severed head on a spike outside The Tower of London in the traditional manner, only to be removed when his eyes have been pecked out by crows."

There is much speculation on the identity of the executioner but the spokesman was unforthcoming.

"The executioner will remain anonymous but was selected from a number of candidates who were prepared to accept a short contract. The person we were seeking had to look good bare chested while wearing a black hood and big black boots and of course, he had to have the ability to chop someone's head off with a large axe.

"The procedure went quite well although it took a few blows to cut through the Harris Tweed jacket which Charles was wearing for the occasion."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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