Written by P.M. Wortham
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Thursday, 11 November 2010

image for SPAM Saves Carnival Cruise Ship
Carnival Cruise to Mexico Stopped Short, but Saved by SPAM

Rescuing dead-in-the-water Carnival Cruise ship 'Splendor', US aircraft carrier Ronald Reagan was quick to offer much needed food and water staples including copious amounts of SPAM, while the ailing ship was towed back to American shores.

While the luxury cruise ship guests were not initially "thrilled" to hear what their limited food options might be, once the ship was denied the opportunity to re-supply in Mexico, they did warm up to the idea once bellies started grumbling. "Our military has been fueled by SPAM for years", says USS Ronald Reagan Quartermaster, Biff Hardtack. "And if you cook it right, it can be used in about 50 different ways".

Proving the point for reporters, Hardtack took the group to the Splendor's main galley, where chefs were busy preparing meals with whatever supplies the Reagan could spare. "See here", pointing to the grill, "If you slice SPAM thin enough and cook it crispy, it almost tastes like bacon. If you put it on a grilled cheese with tomato and onion, it almost tastes like Ham. If you dice it with chives, spinach and eggs into a pie shell, you almost have quiche. You like your hash browns chunked, covered and smothered? It's all SPAM, baby".

One of the reporters commented, "Well its not quite luxury fare, is it". Quartermaster Hardtack rebutted the comment with, "We served Chicken Cordon Bleu last night and nobody knew it wasn't stuffed with Ham. Chew on that" The reporter insisted on critiquing the make-shift menu and the supplies offered by the Navy. Hardtack interrupted the man. "Listen here, pencil boy, the one thing you don't do is pick a fight with a Navy man, or tell a quartermaster that his supplies stink. I'd be happy to show you off the boat, the Navy way."

There was no word if the reporter was offered a floatation device.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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