Miami, Fl-- A professor of nutrition at the University of Feces has lost 27 pounds by eating nothing but turds for a month. Professor Felix Gato says he conducted the dietary experiment to prove there is a tremendous amount of waste in the American diet and that everyone should eat turds.
Professor Gato says he went to the Miami Sewage Plant every morning, to pick out his turds for the day. He only chose the 'freshest, and juiciest looking turds' and usually ate about ten turds a day. Sometimes he would eat the turds with fava beans and a brisk chianti wine'.
At the end of the experiment, Professor Gato says he never felt better.
"All my teeth turned brown, as well as my lips, but I think it's just temporary." said the professor. He did note there were some other downsides to his unusual diet.
"No one talks to me anymore, I guess it's because of my bad breath." he said