Zurich, Switzerland. In absolutely mind blowing, astonishing news, the Large Hedron Collider has once and for all time confirmed that UK personality "Ozzie" Osbourne does not have anything resembling a brain between his ears.
The elite team of scientists who completed the experiments were beside themselves with joy and elated that a indisputable result has been achieved. "We can now go forward and fulfil similar doubts about other people including Russell Brand, Ringo Starr and even Gordon Brown."
Scientists said that the Large Hedron Collider can even reveal if one has a poor sexual attraction as one of the experimenters found it. He quickly resigned and now lives in the remote Alusian Islands.
Professor Egghead of the Collider Institute says that the giant atomiser is being developed for greater uses including making cheese and tomato toasted sandwiches.