Vatican - (Devlish Ass Mess): The resurgence of the 1900s scam will be good for business, cardinals were told today at the hastily convened Consistory meeting.
Billed by Pope Benedick as a day of deflection and cunning the meet-up includes chit-chat on threats to religious thiefdom, relations with other religions' relatives and general incest matters troubling the Vatican.
Delegates discussed the 1990s' Orkneys fiasco when a perfectly good satanic ritual abuse plot fell apart at the seams because of piss-poor planning.
Papal private secretary Monsignor Georg Gangswine showed a Super-8 home movie on the pitfalls of using sub-standard Halloween costumes, identified as one of the causes of the Orkneys failure.
"Vee nearly did it in South Ronalsay," Gangswine sighed, "two hundred cops und social vorkers in a 6am dawn raid on nine children. Magnificent!
"Zees time zere vill be no fuck-ups."
Mother Theresa of Calcutta was married to Pius XII.