Written by Satirelessness
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Topics: Hitler

Monday, 8 November 2010

image for New Hitler Document Found!
Hitler: Idiotic, evil, and unendowed.

A new document entitled "The Life of a Hypocrite" has just been discovered.

The autobiography, which was hidden underground in one of Hitler's palaces gives historians new information and leads us at ExtraNewNews to question his psyche.

In chapter six, he has written:

"I say I like 'blonde-haired, blue-eyed Germans who are tall'. I call them the 'Aryan Race', everyone else is inferior. But this isn't the truth. I would be a hypocrite to say that, considering I am a short German fella, with brown eyes... brown hair... and I am quite clearly Austrian."

As the chapters continue, it feels like it's all gearing up to something... like he's preparing for something. The truth behind why he is such a hypocrite perhaps?

He then goes on to say in chapter eight:

"All those people I killed... all the lies I spoke to the German people... Every act of evil I have ever committed, it's all down to one thing."

Although he doesn't say immediately what the cause of his evil is, many researchers and historians (prior to the discovery of his auto-biography) have pondered. Few have been brave enough to guess.

Mary Welttz, at NewtimeNewspapers believed it was "due to his poor upbringing". Others, such as Dan Enitz have speculated that "Hitler was a mentalist and so his un-stable mind brought him to do the terrible things he did".

Finally however, the true reason was uncovered in the final chapter entitled "The Truth".

He writes: "Many people may one day question my psyche but they needn't go to those extremes once this book is found. The reason I hated the Jews... the reason I done so much evil is down to..."

And as I turned the page, the final three words were exactly what I had expected. No other explanation could explain his psyche, quite like his.

"[is down to...] my small penis."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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