Written by IainB
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Topics: Rationing, thumb

Tuesday, 2 November 2010

image for Thumb rationing
In order to make a proper hand gun, you need a thumb. Please be generous.

In these austere times it is no surprise that the UN has decided to introduce thumb rationing.

Currently there are not enough thumbs to allow everybody in the world to have two. The average number of thumbs per person is around the 1.999 mark, with some people having one and fewer having no thumbs.

The thumb is a vital appendage, and with the obvious shortage, it has been decided to ration thumbs out. They are vital to hitch-hikers, people who text and small children who are lacking a pacifier (or dummy or dodi depending on cultural preference).

"Currently," said Tom Little, UN Minister for Digital Appendages, "We have a surfeit of left thumbs, but are sadly lacking in the right thumb department. Obviously, left handers would be the ideal recipient of any spare left thumbs. The left handers could then donate their right thumbs to right handers, which our calculations show just about ensures everybody who needs a thumb has at least one."

Early indications show that left thumbs of right handers are largely unused, mainly a storage place for thumb rings and hitting the space bar on a computer keyboard, both things that could easily be accommodated by the right thumb.

"We will collecting thumbs from as many people as possible over the coming months, before apportioning them out appropriately."

If you would like to help ensure an adequate supply of thumbs for the world's thumbless, please donate as many thumbs as you can using the buttons below.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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