Written by chris finch
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Thursday, 30 June 2005

image for Fashion Police Issue Joint Warrant For Osama bin Laden's Arrest
Bin Laden shown allegedly wearing white after Labor Day

The Fashion Police, in a joint effort with the Fun Police, have issued a warrant for Osama bin Laden's arrest after repeated violations, apparently caught on tape.

The Fashion Police allege bin Laden has worn white after Labor Day numerous times. An apparent fashion violation in countries that do not recognize the holiday.

Another lesser charge, wearing a beard that looks like old, lice filled peat moss, is also alleged.

"It's a serious offense. Bin Laden has been dressing like he has no regard for other human beings. It's got to stop," Fashion Police Cpt. Terry Blowhart said at a morning press conference in Washington.

The Fun Police also have numerous charges against bin Laden. The most serious being felony shooting terrible home videos and forcing other people to watch. Other charges from the Fun Police are expected to come as more evidence presents itself.

"Right now we're just looking at the video aspect of it. He makes everyone watch these grainy videos of him talking next to rocks. It's worse than any vacation video I've ever seen," Fun Police Lt. Donald O'Donnell said. "Plus he never has any fun. Where's the women? Where's the booze?"

Some officials believe that the absence of women could be the reason behind bin Laden's violations. Their reasoning being no woman would ever let a man out looking like bin Laden looks.

"Would you're woman let you go out into public looking like that? No," Blowhart said.

The charges carry stiff maximum penalties, including 125 years of watching nothing but the Bravo! channel, if bin Laden is convicted of bad fashion sense.

However, Sim Sim Salibim, President of the American-Arab Fashion Association believes American officials do not understand the culture of Arabs, and should go easier on bin Laden.

"The white turban is very emasculating to the arabic man. Bin Laden sees it as an extension of himself," Salibim said. "As far as the woman thing, he's probably gay."

A sentiment echoed by many who have seen bin Laden. Still, others make compelling arguments against the claim.

"Gay men dress better than straight men," Blowhart said. "I don't think he's gay. He is thin though."

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