Darkness, England - Buckingham Palace announced today that Her Majesty, The Queen, has sought to bestow the title of "The Prince of Darkness" upon Mr. Ozzy Osbourne. Darkness , a small town 45kilometers south of London, is delighted by the prospect of having their very own Prince. "We hope that Her Majesty is also considering, Mrs. Sharon Osbourne as Princess," they said.
A spokesman for the Queen states that it usually follows, that any wife of a Prince will be called Princess. All involved are fairly certain this will be how it goes. The Queen has asked however, if she may present the titles, to the Osbourne's by post. "Her Majesty has been informed of Mr. Osbourne's reputation for biting off the heads of rats (or was it bats?), and the like. She would prefer that the job of rodent decapitation, be left up to the Palace pussycats. The Palace has a very skilled group of mousers on board and has very little need for any additional help with the matter. (In other words, she doesn't want him at the Palace.)
The new Prince was asked how he felt about the possibility of being a real Prince. "She's taken all the bloody fun out of being evil. They're bleeping with my reputation as well, The Queen is free to believe what she bleeping wants, but I never bleeping bit the head off of anything, or if I did, I was too bleeped up to remember. I'm just a regular type bugger with a house full of bleeping cats, kids and dogs, trying to keep it all together here, in the Hollywood Hills. I've got bleeping neighbors like Pat Boone, for bleep sakes. I like the guy, as a matter of fact, even if he doesn't bleeping drink," Ozzy told reporters.
Pat Boone is said to have a fondness for Ozzy as well. "The only critter that ever had a tail that I have seen Ozzy eat, is a New York strip steak, well done, at his last barbeque," Pat said. "I just don't think he's got it in him to dine on, would be road kill."
When asked about receiving his title by post, Ozzy said, "I don't bleeping believe this. I've been bleeping house broken since I was two. They can ask my Mum. Don't they think I can't bleeping handle myself in bleeping polite company? I'd like to tell the Royals, where they can put their bleeping title.
"The Prince of Darkness in England? Big bleeping deal!"