Written by Kent Pete
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Topics: God, Stephen Hawking

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

image for God has last laugh in dispute with Professor Stephen Hawking

It was the book launch from Hell. For the first time Professor Stephen Hawking Britain's most wheelchair bound Scientist, decided to personally attend a news conference to celebrate the release of his controversial new publication.

In his book Hawking argues that God did not create the universe and the "Big Bang" was an inevitable consequence of the laws of physics.

In "The Grand Design," co-authored with U.S. physicist Leonard Mlodinow, Hawking says a new series of theories made a creator of the universe redundant, according to the Times newspaper which published extracts on Thursday.

"Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing. Spontaneous creation is the reason there is something rather than nothing, why the universe exists, why we exist". Hawking concludes, "It is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper and set the universe going."

Hawking spent over an hour answering questions from eminent members of the British scientific community including Sir Clive Sinclair who recently won 'Celebrity Poker Club' beating wide boy Keith Allen in a tense final.(*)

However it was when asked by the Spoof Science correspondent Dr Jane McNichols about where space, time, energy, and the laws of physics came from that Hawking 68, looked awkward and sped away in his Centrino Pentium M 1.5GHz chip powered wheelchair. Colliding into tea lady Patricia Hunt 64 , Hawking toppled out of his chair and onto the newly lamenated studio floor.

Using Newton's Law of Gravity G = 6.6726 x 10-11N-m2/kg2 where G is the universal gravitational constant, it would have taken the renowned theoretical physicist, weighing in at approximately 44.5 kgs, approximately 1.85 seconds to crash to the ground.

Hawking unfortunately left the building in an ambulance with a suspected dislocation of his right shoulder. The staff at the Spoof would like it to be known that they are all praying to God for a speedy recovery.

Tea lady Mrs Hunt was unavailable for comment. However she would like it to be known that in 42 years of employment this was the first time she had ever been involved in a serious accident with a world famous Cosmologist.

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(*) Keith Allen did not attend Stephen Hawking's book launch. He would also like it to be known that he was out doing laddish things such as 'drinking and stuff'.

(**) Other famous celebrities who have fallen out of a wheelchair include Itzhak Perlman the Israeli-American violinist, conductor, and pedagogue who despite being deliberately tipped out of his chair by an intoxicated second violinist continued to play a 45 minute solo from the orchestra pit during a recital of Richard Rodgers 'Victory at Sea'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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