Switzerland - Thousands of people crowded the streets protesting to the Federal Council about Swiss Cheese. The protests are due to the rather sudden realization by Swiss citizens that Swiss cheese is...full of holes.
"I guess I've always sort of overlooked the holes," said Roger Federer, "but as I've traveled the world and had some wonderful solid cheeses, I guess I'm disappointed that we Swiss put up with the holes in Swiss cheese!"
"I've never seen Roger so passionate about...cheese," said his wife. Many are beginning to attribute Roger's recent problems on the court to his concerns about Swiss Cheese. "It keeps him up at nights," continued his wife, "Sometimes he's just so distracted by it."
Renee Zellweger and Martina Hingus have also taken up the call for changes to Swiss Cheese. "We don't just want the holes filled," said Zellweger, "We want more flavor too damnit! Were quite serious about this!"
Swiss politicians and the National Dairy Council were meeting in closed session at the time of this story and could not be reached for comment. They did release the following statement, "We understand the concerns of the people, but are somewhat puzzled at the suddenness of their demands. We are meeting to see what can be done to perhaps create more variety and smaller holes."
"Not good enough!" said Martina Hingus, "We want flavor like cheddar, bleu cheese, not just smaller holes!"