Barely one day after being found Not Guilty of allegations that he brought the high office of Pontiff into disrepute, well known pyjama catwalk model, Michael Jackson, has been caught, in flagrante, conducting an auction for his complimentary pair of Live8 tickets.
Rumours abounded in his recent criminal trial that Jackson was strapped for cash with showbiz pals all set to help him out the minute he was proven innocent of any wrongdoing. Jackson who consistently slipper shuffles from one crises to another has however, lost the respect of his pious peers in the music industry by celebrating his new found freedom with this heinous deed.
Saint Mother Bob pronounced "Diss durtay ting huzz buttrayt holl uv uzz in te buzzunuss wi tiss munnay crubbun fulth".
Tickets for the main Live8 event, due to be held in London, England early July were offered for sale via a telephone lottery with pure of spirit fans of ageing rockers having to shell out the extraordinary massive sum of one dollar a ticket. Funds raised were merely to cover expenses of laying on the concert with costs cut to the bone, stars travel arrangements being confined to Business Class and food and drink to be provided by Fortnum & Masons as against Harrods. All performers had agreed to refuse any advance distribution of their back copy catalogues it being anathema to them that they should gain in any way from performing at said concert.
Concert goers having purchased their tickets for such a sacrificial sum had also agreed to attend the event in sackcloth and ashes and in an act of abject self denial had undertaken not to enjoy any of the music performed or use any artifical stimulants to help them tolerate performances by the likes of George Michael and Elton John.
In a further mark of respect for their African brothers and sisters concert goers had agreed to forego the provision of portable toilets and guaranteed not to even sniff a nearby burger van. Instead all attendees would expunge their bodily waste where they stood and ensure that the day of unmemorable musical moments would weaken their bodies resulting in emaciation and mass starvation, if not death. Should such efforts at self sacrifice have failed, it had been arranged that a plague of Malaria bearing mosquitos would be dropped on the crowd with the promise of beatification as sooon as death overtook them.
Such acts of purity have however, been denigrated by Jackson having got onto his eBay account and listed, with an indecent haste, his own pair of tickets for this event. It is believed that he will be sentenced to death for this dastardly deed and his old friend Paul McCartney has agreed to kick away the stool with Saint Mother Bob on hand to take his last confession.