A crack British surveillance team has uncovered a colossal base which runs through the center of the Earth, following an examination of the living conditions of the miners.
The miners, who had been trapped underground in Chile for 68 days, had stumbled upon the foundations of an underground secret lair which was thought to have existed since the 1950s.
"We thought that the Sinister Seven would meet here," one Chilean chappie was quoted as saying. "Doc Ock, Green Goblin, they would all have met down here. Recent doodles suggest that Osama had hidden down here along with Elvis Presley and the Cookie Monster!" added a British doctor of hideouts and stuff.
Some portratits reveal the antics of the Sinister Seven: robbing Candy from babies, and knocking over tins of marmalade in nearby Lidl.
Juan, one of the minor miners who was trapped below, gave the best summation of the pit:
"It had food and everything. We were perfectly fine. Just a shame we've only just discovered the Teleport pod in the corner, but I wonder where it leads to?"
In other news, random messages pleading for help have been discovered along the streets of Stoke, along with a particular beardy Muslim fellow who now sells apples on the market. Coincidence? This reporter thinks not.