This morning the drill broke through into the chamber holding the 33 Chilean gold miners. A voice came up the 700 metre shaft saying, "We're staying down here! Go Away!"
The spokesman for the trapped Chilean miners Aaron Mateo explained: "We've been down here for two months now and we've done a lot of soul searching. While we have been down here we've been free of the influence of newspapers, television, the internet and internet dating. This has given our heads a chance to clear and we've had some interesting revelations."
Chilean miner spokesman Aaron Mateo continued: "We though a lot about what's going on in the world today and we no longer wish to be a part of it. The world has so many problems: the Haiti earthquake, the Iceland volcano, the tsunami, the Gulf oil spill, runaway deficits, corrupt politicians, endless wars, poisoning of the earth's air, water and soil. We no longer wish to be a part of it."
"As you know 2011 is almost here. The world only has one year left. 2012 is the year of the Mayan Apocalypse. We decided unanimously, 'Why spend our last year up on earth worrying about all of these problems? Why not stay down here free from all the problems of the world?' And that is what we are going to do."
The Chilean miner spokesman's wife Babieca Mateo said, "This is just like Mateo. He's insane. My mother warned me not to marry him. He's bipolar. I can't believe that the other miners are listening to him. What is this internet dating he's talking about. If that's the way he wants it fine. The world will not miss him. I've been seeing another man anyway. A woman has needs. How long was I supposed to go without fulfilling those needs?"